Salim’s Wife

You may have heard in passing the comments about Salim and his “wife” and I thought I would explain that a little further. We’ve met most of the b5 spouses…either when they stop in to bring a forgetful husband some lunch, or they join their spouses on an away trip to a conference. We’ve met some of the spouses that don’t even live in the same city as us. However, Salim’s “wife” never seems to materialize. We ask questions about her all the time…and Salim keeps promising she’ll come by “next week”. Salim has been with us since the end of October…and still no wife.

It has become a long-standing theory that she does not exist outside of Salim’s mind.

Occasionally, Salim will come in with his good blazer on and will eat lunch out of the office, or will need to take an hour long coffee break. We’ve come to realize that this is when he interviews women to act as his wife at the next company function. Just so he can bring someone so he doesn’t look like a liar.

He claims he had a baby in March. On one of his first days with b5, he said “By the way, sometime in March, I’m going to need to take a few weeks off cause my wife is having a baby.” We all believe that he carefully thought this out…he was planning a 2 week vacation in the Caribbean, but didn’t want to seem like a slacker in his first year with the company, so he invented a wife and children.

To make us think differently, he made Jon drive him home after a late meeting the other day. Jon’s fatal mistake was not waiting to see if Salim actually went into the house he claimed as his own. I wonder if Salim would be able to pick the same house out again if Jon drove him “home” or if he plans on “moving” by the time someone has to drive him home again.

Does Salim himself really exist? I’m beginning to wonder. It seems that usually when Jeremy is here, Salim is not. I think they are the same person trying to get two paychecks. I should call a meeting with both of them and see if they both show up.